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| check out my new blog! i've been wanting to say that for a while now=) http://kairos-jen.blogspot.com/.
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| i am officially a greek goddess.
that's what a good friend of mine has recently named me.
i have been a bit MIA recently, to say the least, since starting what's called "suicide greek." doesn't sound like fun, does it? i had no idea how intense this class would be, but it truly lives up to its name. my professor explained this well.
normally, one would imagine a class called "suicide" whatever to be this crazy class where you basically almost kill yourself just trying to survive. it has definitely felt this way at times during the last three weeks. however, on the first day of class my professor predicted that this class was going to bring about a different kind of death, which would probably look differently for each one of us taking the class. he foresaw us dying to our flesh to some capacity.
i have been dying recently.
dying to people-pleasing, which Jesus initiated a while back, but continues to refine me in this area. it hurts quite a bit. but i'm forced to say no these days. i just can't do it all. and i can't be the socialite that i tend to be.
i've been dying to my perfectionism, wanting to be that star student that swiftly understands everything and applies everything correctly the first time. so unhealthy, but it's still in me and i'm dying to that again. i had a dose of that in nursing school too.
the list goes on and on, along with so many other pressures of this season.
so, yes. i am a greek goddess, these days. but, my prof was right. this class is killing me. and as much as it hurts, i'm very, very grateful for it. so, if for some reason, you stumble upon this archaic xanga blog and you stumble upon me in the near future, remind me of what i just wrote. it's very easy to forget in the midst of this whirlwind.
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| wow. it has been quite some time since my last entry. i've entitled this post "transitional times" because in so many ways, this whirlwind of a season has been one transition after transition, including this blog. at some point, i may join forces with a good friend of mine and start a blog combo as we both process our experiences and responses to what we are learning in seminary.
yikes. so much has changed since the last time i posted. one year ago, the thought of going to seminary was a mere thought. a budding wish. it is now a reality that is a few weeks away. i think i'll save more of those thoughts for later, probably for my new blog.
other transitions---my living situation, my community, my job, ministry...you name it. i'm in transition.
thank the Lord that He doesn't transition or change. He doesn't move away. He doesn't exit out of one's life, especially when things get a little crazy or messy. He sticks with it. He sticks with me. The interesting thing is that He is a God of change, of the seasons...but His character and the very essence of who He is does not shift or falter. not one bit.
that being said, i can rest assured tonight. i can sleep in peace. i'm still in a whirlwind, but Jesus keeps talking to me. keeps listening and walking beside me. i am still His daughter, His beloved. i breathe that in tonight.
good night... | | |
| lately, i've been fascinated
by the cardiologist that i work with. in mere christianianty, c.s.
lewis talks about how God has gifted some people with virtues that,
unfortunately, they do not recognize as gifts from Him. they are just
good, kind people on their own, not having anything to do with
how they are reflecting Jesus. well, this cardiologist of mine
perpetually amazes me. he is a Jewish man in his middle
60's...absolutely brilliant, recognized nation-wide as a teacher,
speaker, researcher, and author. amidst all these great things, what
stands out to me the most is his kindness. i've heard personal
anecdotes of how he's saved his patients' lives, but, even more
so, of how incredibly compassionate and attentive he was to them during
the process. this man is bombarded every day by phone calls, pages,
doctors, patients, deadlines, meetings, and myself, enough to drive any
normal person insane, yet he will acknowledge the craziness of it all,
remain calm, and continue to bestow his experstise and kindness on each
scenario, one at a time. although, he will be firm if need be, he will
never raise his voice unkindly or let any crude words come out of his
mouth. i don't know. i have read and discussed this issue with friends
of encountering good, virtuous people who do not follow Jesus and how
to process that. i'm sure my doctor has his personal struggles that i'm
unaware of... but, sometimes, i can't help but feel that i've
just caught a glimpse of the person of Jesus when i'm around him.
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| back at the shows...
although i've seen my share of indie artists in the past couple of months, including the likes of beloved sufjan, decemberists, and the mountain goats, it's been a while since i've shared my concert experience. not that i'm amazing at describing my concert experience, but i'll give it my best shot. last night a couple friends and i were graced w/ the musical talent of the scottish singer/songwriter alexi murdoch. now, w/ my usual concert crowd, we've dissected many issues that relate to the concert experience. for starters, one's attire. ideally you want to be comfortable, because you may very well be standing for a long time, and you also don't want to be tied to a lot of baggage (coats, purses, winter gear, layers, etc...). for boys, this is not too hard. for most girls, though (and some indie boys), another element of what you wear comes up---bringing out your best indie look, at whatever level that may be. all this to say, that it is a balance of comfort and style. w/ this in mind, winter concerts are a bit challenging, depending on the venue you go to, because the coat issue comes up, especially on cold nights like last night. is it worth not wearing a coat for an evening of baggage-less entertainment, or is it too brutally cold outside to abandon the coat? or should you just layer away? well, last night was one of those cold, cold winter evenings, where there was no way we were going to close the coat shop. but at this new tiny venue for me (martyrs), they had a coat rack. and the trusting side of me took advantage of that. and i was free as a bird to sway away and "get lost in the music."
the venue: absolutely ideal. small, dimly lit bar. candles, low lights. old fashioned looking bar. not super crowded, and you could easily navigate to a spacious bathroom. i'm bad w/ estimating numbers, so i could be ridiculously off, but it seemed like it fit between 75 to 100 people...who knows? it was small. once again, ideal. another amazing aspect of this venue was that they were playing 1930's/1940's jazz music in the background and other light tunes that i can't seem to remember. it was just refreshing to hear that lightly playing in the background before the concert vs loud, obnoxious music that you sometimes get hit w/ before shows.
the music: opening band was ok. they were called the midnight movies, a girl led band from L.A. we all agreed the main girl's voice sounded very much like the cranberries. we didn't care for her much. her voice wasn't all that pretty, which she may not have been going for, and she just seemed drab and less than enthusiastic to be there. i call it the pete yorn syndrome, if anyone has seen him live. the other girl was fascinating to watch...she was this beautiful, asian girl that pulled of the skinny pants amazingly and could play the drums w/ such skill, intensity, and an element of punk rock fun. she also sang back-up, played the flute, and grinned every once in a while to remind us that she was having fun up there. overall, the band's, psychedelic, rock ballads didn't really do it for me. to finish the picture of this band off, 2 girls (interchanging drum playing, keys, vocals) and 2 boys (bass and electric guitars, sometimes keys).
alexi: he is a good man, w/ a good folksy soul. his music to me reaches into my longing, searching, wanting to be set free part of my soul. it's the phrases that he uses in his lyrics that speak so profoundly ("even breathing feels alright," ("when do we really get to go home?", "time to believe in what you know...and you don't need strength to be strong,"). and it's the way he strums his guitar, the chords he picks that speak so powerfully, loudly and tenderly, even though he is playing so simply and sometimes ever so quietly. he is agreeing w/ his audience that life is hard and we're all longing for something more, but that, in the end, there is hope. it amazed me to look around and see people truly connecting with that and probably other messages that they feel. honestly, i can go on and on about this, but i'll stop here. i hope this wasn't too rambly and i hope if you haven't picked up alexi, you will soon. ta ta for now.
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